A gin drunk is an angry drunk. It’s a frustrated, self-loathing, angry drunk. It’s the kind of drunk where you yell through vomit about why you hate yourself so much for drinking this shit. It’s a vile drink to consume in any significant quantity anyway, but it’s inevitably combined with tonic or just more gin with a hint of vermouth. None of which will comfort you as you yell violence and hatred through gaseous gurgles of vomit splashing on your shoes and coloring your hair.

Walter didn’t drink anymore, but he wished he did and gin was his drink of choice. This was the day Walter was having.

“Fuckin’ hippies,” he thought to himself. He swished water through a bar glass and dunked it angrily in the rinse water, barely missing the side of the small bar sink. A chipped glass could have pissed him off even worse, but that was not the nature of today.

“Hey Walt,” the Cowboy intoned drolly. Walter froze on the spot. Did the bell even ring? He kept his eyes in his dirty glasses, darting an eye out sparingly. Now, suddenly, more careful, cautious. Don’t break one now. Anytime in the world but now. Walter set his glass down in the rinse sink, removed his hands from the sink and patiently reached for a bar towel. Cowboy tapped lightly on the marred wooden bar right next to a carving of “JR Loves MB.”

“What’s new, Cowboy?” Walter’s tone was patient, calm, and too polite. His hands were shaking and so was his voice.

“I seen you with Sarah again.” Cowboy’s eyes pierced Walter from under a dusty  baseball cap. The team was a minor league one and it was orange and in Spanish. Walter didn’t recognize it. Walter thought about Cowboy’s brain under his hat for a moment.

Walter gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. He closed his eyes slowly and swallowed hard. “Yep. We been together on and off for a couple months now,” Walter’s voice warbled.

“We had a deal, you an’ me. Didn’t we?” the Cowboy asked as less of a question and more of a challenge.

Walter didn’t answer. He picked up his dishes where he’d left off. The washing was purposeful, but methodical. Walter pursed his lips. The Cowboy stared hard at Walter through steel eyes.

“Ayup. Be seein’ yah, Walt.” Cowboy tipped his hat, grabbed a handful of peanuts off the bar and walked slowly away, boots clumping heavily, taking a moment to look back at Walter who had stopped washing glasses and stood instead with his head down, shoulders at his waist, as he stared at anything but the Cowboy.

The bell jingled as the door closed. Walter smashed a glass on the far wall, yelling fire, and anger. This was not his day. And now Cowboy is back? Where’s Sarah? Walter returned to angrily washing his dishes as a lone tear fell off his cheek. Nobody loves a coward.

Film Projector Sprocket

As many of you know, I am a filmmaker. Of sorts. Granted, I haven’t produced any formal films with plots or anything in some time. In fact, besides working on other people’s stuff, I haven’t made something of my own since Cordial Dead. Now, I’ve had some significant financial problems recently that have led to that, but, rest-assured, I’m quite aware of the fact that my narrative history is a little sparse of late. The world is a hair unforgiving when you quit producing, ain’t it?

Moving ahead. Yep. That’s it. I’m moving ahead. Moving on. Bigger and better things. I’m doing it my way. It’s not necessarily the easy way, but it ain’t the hard way, either. Got the news a couple days ago that I didn’t qualify for the Channel 12 position. I thought I might be upset. Oddly, I was relieved. it means I don’t have to work for anyone else. I can work for me. I have things I can do now that are already bringing in money. In some ways, I feel like this work is a distraction. And, in many ways, it is. It’s distracting me from writing my great script, but its also specifically leading me to a place where I retain the power and control. It allows me to achieve my full potential. No, I’m not doing that now.

A long time ago, I said I really wanted to start my own video production company. Well, I technically did that in 2008 when I registered Electric Tiger, LLC. So? Now what? Now it’s on to the next part: make it a real business by making money. I guess I just assumed one and the other went hand in hand. They don’t. It’s work. Lots and lots of hard, grueling, annoying, tedious work. Fuck! It’s god damned hard! Getting a paycheck for doing something you worked really hard on is so rewarding, no job I’ve ever held in my 39 years has ever been that rewarding. I get to point at it and say, “I DID THAT!” Nobody helped, no other departments provided support or aid or assistance. No marketing department landed the job or put out a clever campaign. I did it. Me. Yeah, I have a healthy ego, but fuck ‘em if they can’t handle it!

Yes. I jest. There’s the part of me that is beaming with pride at making a dollar from nothing. There’s another part of me that’s scared shitless and wants to know where the next dollar is gonna come from. I have to listen to both. As time goes on, I’m learning when to listen to the which one and when to ignore one or the other or both. I can’t explain it. There’s no secret key. No magic wand. No detailed plan. You gotta go with your gut. Pure and simple faith in yourself. No compromises.

The Real Cost of Filmmmaking…

We’ve all heard the stories of how some filmmaker spent $4 and made a million-dollar movie. I love those stories. I’ve told them. I know a lot of ‘em. I also know that movies take a lot to make. They take time, planning, loads of resources, a great script, careful planning, and did I mention planning?

I want to make movies. I really do. I need to learn business first. I need a financial basis. Every film is a miniature business venture which could make millions or could go bust. Most of them go bust. Thanks to the set of Dov Simens DVDs I bought over the summer on eBay, I was able to learn loads about the business side of things. The DVDs were about $350. I didn’t have that, but I found a way to get it. I’m glad I did. Now, I’m practically chomping at the bit to make a movie, but I got nothing for funds. I mean zero. Kerrie has been supporting my sorry ass for a couple years now and if I can’t make it work this year, I’m going to be ashamed for wasting so much of her time and energy while I sort out my mid-life crisis. Fuck that. I will not be a failure.

Now, I can make a movie for under $5,000. It won’t be a grand sweeping vista of cinema, but it will have an appeal, no name-brand actors, and I can likely sell it on television. Yep. Screw festivals, theaters, or Hollywood. I’m thinking straight to TV. Why? There are about six major Hollywood studios making the films you go to see in the theaters. They make about twenty-some-odd films a year. Something like 90% of everything you watch, too. There are literally thousands of theaters perfectly set up to show just those films by just those studios. Sorry, but that’s how they’re set up. You are watching proscribed entertainment, spoon fed to your delicate movie-watching palate. Now, most people don’t go to movies.

D’oh! Whoops! Yep, most people stay home and watch TV. More importantly, they stay home and watch cable and satellite and internet. You seeing what I’m seeing? I’m seeing a market. Fuck the theaters: dealing with crying babies, stinky armpits, not being able to pause the movie to go to the bathroom, grandma whispering “what’d he say?” loud enough for the whole place. Jesus, the average home TV has to be freaking 60 inches and you can get a custom sound system and watch anything you want on cable, satellite or internet. Don’t forget Netflix and RedBox, and Blockbuster and all the rental-type places. With that many choices for personalized entertainment on your personal schedule, why would you need to go to a theater? There are hundreds of satellite and cable networks and they are all looking for content. Have you seen the garbage they pay for? It’s practically the schlock network. I can do that! If Shakespeare were alive, he’d be writing for TV anyway! I’m no Harlan Ellison, but I’m pretty sure I can string some competent phrases together.

Whew! That was a refreshing rant. So, yeah, I’m going to pursue selling a movie on TV. The mystery is which one shall I choose?

Random Kitchen

I’ve often heard that things happen for a reason. I’m not sure I agree with it, but I’m not sure I disagree with it. Today was a real eye-opener for me in several ways. Most notably, that my current housing situation needs to change quickly and I need success in a big way. Or, at least, money.

For the housing situation, we are focusing on many different angles – houses, foreclosures, rentals, etc. All of which are perfectly viable options. Considering our financial situation is a bit touchy, things are tenuous. We have a lot of unknowns. I feel like when I got my first apartment. It’s goofy, awkward and strange. I’m pushing 40 right now! I shouldn’t have to do this shit!

As for the business, things are getting better. Slowly, they are getting better. I’m actually generating some income now. I can’t tell  you how pleasing that is. I’m practically tap-dancing. I have a short business trip in April I need to pay for, too! Egads, the whole thing will be financed through the business, so that’s a plus, right? Anyhow, today was supposed to be short anyhow.

As for mom. Mom plays an important role in all this. She was the catalyst for helping my wife and I to determine what needs doing. We knew before, but it took her to come along and reveal the adventure. Now things are clear. Solid. In focus. Now, we make moves, decisions, and take actions. Now is the time to get running and moving and doing.

Until later, this is the great and cryptic Jonathan. Oh, and here are some pictures and videos of what we saw:

[Show as slideshow]

It’s a great tool, but I feel like I have little control over the actual content so I may not be using this real often.

When I was younger, I had no goals and drifted from thing to thing. Maybe not the best policy, but I’ve always been envious of those who knew at a young age exactly what they wanted to do in life. Hell, they already had their lives planned out by the time they were 18. I didn’t want a circumscribed life, though. I didn’t want my life to have limits. Oddly, I presented myself with limits when I sought to remove limitations – especially when I wasn’t prepared for the consequences of that “freedom.” Today, I understand most of what I should have understood when I was much younger and more naive. Curiously, many whose lives seemed perfectly scripted don’t seem as rich and full as I would have imagined. “They” seem stale and tired and static and dull. I understand that is also completely from my perspective, but I’m not sure “they” do.

This little missive was brought on by my realization that it was no longer January and we had casually slipped into February. “The Holidays” ended only five weeks ago and yet they seem to have been a year ago. Time plays funny tricks on you. Perhaps I’m lamenting the fact that I turned 39? Yowza! I’m feeling the quickening! The feeling that there isn’t any time left to dilly-dally. I don’t mind so much, really. Like the Pink Floyd song, I have missed the starting gun. Then again, I’m planning to live until I’m 250 years old anyway so I have some time to kill, but I’ve decided to make all the money first so I can enjoy it for a century or two. Truthfully, I feel cheated that we have to die when I read they have found an enzyme to halt aging in mice. I want that enzyme, dammit!

This post is called “Milestones” or some variation I reconsidered later. So here are some fun milestones I’ve hit this year:

1. Lost over 10 pounds – no joke, I was at 235 on December 31 and today I’m 221. I say “10″ because the scales could have been off.
2. I’m regularly running and biking (biking technically started yesterday so it doesn’t actually qualify, but these are my milestones and not yours so butt out)
3. Have a new website built for Electric Tiger (www.electrictiger.com).
4. Posted my very first press release. I knew all that time with Examiner would eventually pay off with the journalistic writing style.
5. Have all old invoices billed and ready. I’m on a path to get a studio! That’s this year’s business goal #1. #2 is to actually pay myself a modest salary. See? Easy, simple goals. Now work your ASS OFF!
6. More work is coming in pretty regularly now. Websites, video, photo, and design work. It’s very exciting.
7. After this week, I begin working on a short script – actually a couple scripts – to enter a film into the new Ridley Scott Your Film Festival contest. No joke. This is for real. I have all the equipment I need to make a movie and a 15 minute short. I will begin working immediately. Even if it doesn’t work, I will have something to be proud of.

See: Milestones.Things I’ve done, accomplished, worked on, finished, etc. I’m getting better at this game. I’m becoming less of a “thinker” and much more of a “doer.”

Oh yeah, still no word back from the City of Tucson in regards to a job. I’m not holding my breath. I’m moving on as if there were no job. I still want it. Don’t let me kid you. I really want to work with that team, but I think I may want my freedom more. I’m at another crossroads in my life. I need money, desperately and a regular job will most definitely provide that. I can’t deny the kinds of resources available to me at Channel 12 would be very tempting. On the other hand, I’m just starting to succeed in my business. It feels like early 2009 before the “switch” got flipped and everyone was suddenly out of cash. Great things are afoot for me here in Tucson. I just know it.

Until luego, ¡Hasta la vista!

The above is a video I made of a 25 minute bike ride right outside my house here. As you can see, the weather is absolutely wonderful this time of year – hitting a balmy 75 that afternoon. In the mornings, it’s much cooler – around 45 or so. That’s when I do a run.

Weight loss has been a big thing for me. I’ve dropped about 13 pounds now since the beginning of the year. The number fluctuates, but the general trend is down, down, down. My diet has also changed so I’m helping myself drop weight that way. don’t worry, I’m not overdoing it, but even I was a little concerned at the rate at which I started to lose weight. It’s possible, since I used different scale before I finally spent $20 and bought one, that the scales were no accurate. Even if so, most people have started to notice I’m down a couple pounds. I know I can feel it in other ways: my metabolism has shot through the roof, I am now like a personal heater with all the heat I generate (ask Kerrie), I am eating well, but doing the usual:

• avoiding extraneous fat, sugar, and starch wherever possible
• NO fast foods
• NO sodas
• eat as much fruits and vegetables as I want
• meats are fine, but try to avoid fatty meats like hamburger and bacon (yeah, I love bacon, too – I just eat lean bacon)
• try to minimize breads
• exercise at least 3 times a week, but shoot for 5 or 6 for an hour or so at a pop

Now, I’m just doing the basic exercises to drop some weight. To keep it off, I’m starting strength training with dumbbells very soon. I’ll grab some at Play It Again Sports. I’ve been buying weights for other uses there for ages.

That’s all for today. Check out my Facebook Page for Electric Tiger Productions (“Like” us there, too) if you want to see some of my latest music photos or my YouTube Channel for some of my latest videos.

First off, it’s really nobody’s business, but I also believe in the power of myth and legend and if people really want to know what I’ve been doing, I will share. Build the Myth: Create a Legend.

Let’s rewind to the end of 2010. My wife and I lose our house the day AFTER Christmas. No joke, we got a big “Foreclosed” sign on our house. We tore it down, angrily, got to business, moved out. I worked on Holodad and had a great time in January. I got home and plunged into a vicious, self-loathing depression. I would get up every day, sit down at my computer and basically read email for three hours, try to get some actual work done and then give up, watch television, and basically feel sorry for myself. Not my best moment in life, really. I don’t want pity or anything here. I gave myself plenty of that.

Oh and everyone says to just go get a job. I really tried. I have applied to over 150 jobs since 2008 (based on about 2-5 apps a week for 2 years and then I just stopped trying). I have received many very well-crafted rejection letters. Couple this with the fact that I get ridiculously nervous at a job interview (it’s worse if I really want the job which I again proved on Monday, but, I digress). I couldn’t get a job at Burger King or McDonalds at minimum wage. One said I was over-qualified and one said they thought I would just leave once a better job came along. I can’t say I really disagreed with either of them, but at least they were honest!

Curiously, when you are broke, people avoid you and they rarely give you anything. Conversely, when you need nothing, everyone wants to give you things. This is the same philosophy behind supporting “winners” over “underdogs,” but I say root for the underdogs anyway. At least a couple now and then. Digression. Game. Set. Point.

Now, after a year with a roommate, things just get weird. My wife and I are way too used to doing our own thing however and whenever we want. Having a roommate adds a new dynamic to the mix – a third wheel. Sorry. I’ve known our roommate for years, but I don’t like to answer for myself in my home (whether mine or not). I have to do that in my professional life so it just angers me to do it in my home. I will do it for my wife, but not my roommate. She can be a bit of a mother hen, too. I really don’t like being “mommed.” Now you see the crux of the stress. It’s not her fault: she’s the same person she was a year ago. My perception has changed. Also, I’m an adult now I don’t take well to orders unless you are paying me.

Let’s move ahead to April. I start working for the ballpark to bring some cash. It’s not a lot of cash, but it is some cash. Now, I’m grumpy because I have a BA, can’t find a job, and I have to work selling beer for tips. It feels like high school. I am ambivalent, though because I hate the work and standing in one place for hours, but I like the money and Kerrie and I are able to afford a very much needed vacation at the end of the season.

Jonathan's Canon T2i DSLR

The entire summer, I shot maybe an hour of video. Total. Now how do I feel? Yeah, I put weird pressures on myself, but that’s almost completely unacceptable. Now its November and I pull the camera out and start taking it with me. I feel like I don’t even know how to shoot anymore, but its like riding a bicycle and it just comes right back. I remember why I got my DSLR in the first place. Why I build so much equipment (someday I’ll do an autobiographical retrospective with equipment I built as premise…). I begin following the boards and the tech and other things again. I start going to IFASA meetings again. Lo and behold, the much-desired jobs in the broadcast biz start popping up. I eagerly apply, concerned that a summer of inactivity will be considered bad. Well, it wasn’t totally inactive: built a tripod (yes, a tripod), a jib, a teleprompter, did some pro video, learned After Effects better (yes, I’ll show you some soon), applied for jobs with ASU, KUAT/NPR, and Channel 12 (that’s the government channel in Tucson), etc. I usually do a lot more than that. Look at my prior years when I was involved in 10-20 productions a year. My involvement went away. I just felt…blah.

Oh, also in November, my father went into surgery for a Quintuple Bypass! He’s doing great by the way. Now, it’s January. It’s a new year. Like many, I make lots of resolutions. I have also trimmed the list down. Last year, I quit smoking. Cold Turkey. I haven’t smoked since February 26, 2011. This year, after getting on a scale and weighing in at 235 juicy pounds, I’m doing my long morning walks which have become runs (can’t wait for warmer weather so I can ride my bike again), I’ve lost 12 pounds as of today since January 1, the diet is going really well, I have started shooting with a vengeance (I mean photos and video, of course!), and I’m making money at my stock video again. This year, I take myself more seriously as a professional. I even printed new business cards.

Jonathan's Electric Tiger Business Card

I’m still the same person. I still have the same fears and anxieties as before. I have not magically transformed. What I have done is become something better. Someone more. I feel like I am worthy of success and I’m ready to be successful. Maybe I wasn’t before. I realized it was time to give up on silly notions and focus on real work. While I know it won’t happen overnight, I think I expected it to. I am ready to work now. Very, very hard if necessary. I have been through the trial by fire and I have come out the other side like a phoenix (is that too melodramatic?).

Whether or not I get these jobs to which I’ve applied, I will still be very successful. If I don’t, then it’s “Back to Plan A” (Do Awesome and Amazing Things and Get Paid Ridiculously Well for Them!). Oh and I’m planning on getting down to less than 190 pounds. I haven’t been that thin since I was in my 20s! And Kerrie and I will get another house. We need it. I won’t be working the ballpark – it just took too much away from everything else and i can only focus on so many things at once. If I get one of the jobs, I will, of course, focus on that, but I won’t give up on my other projects or stop my workout routine. I will have more time for my fun projects that don’t pay, but that I do for me. You know, finish that big Steampunk Spaghetti Western script everyone’s been asking about.

Today’s awesome link: Top 10 Resolutions for Filmmakers for 2012.

Some of them are old at Plush 01-20-2012

It was quite the whirlwind of a weekend. Besides going to Plush on Friday to shoot some photos and video of my friends’ bands, heading to The River’s Edge with Duke and Cat to shoot some photos and video of Heart Attack Shack on Saturday, then putting a promo together for Trouble, I also made my way to a friend’s house with my wife to watch the 49ers and Giants.

Wow, today, I’m still working on things, but I have a job interview with the City of Tucson’s government Channel 12. I’m looking forward to the job (if I get it). I would get to work with an award-winning crew of professionals. Now, I know PEG and access cable in general are not in the greatest favor with Cox. My experiences with Access Tucson have taught me that business can be fickle – especially in a down-turned economy. Everyone is cutting budgets and even Tucson 12 has had to co-locate with Access Tucson to stay afloat.

Heart Attack Shack at River's Edge for the Breakfast Club Show with Trouble - 01-21-2012

Many have heard my theories that film is dead. Don’t get me wrong, I know full well there is plenty of money to be made making movies, but there are far more television stations right now seeking original content that would be happy to buy the rights to your film. Make it just a little bit marketable and you have yourself a good business plan. Besides, Hollywood has been over-inflating their numbers for years and years. Couple this with last week’s SOPA debacle and you have a picture of an industry sounding its death knell. It will still take decades, but the Movie industry historically goes the way of the music industry in the long run: all electronic, micro-payments and an overall reduction in hard copy sales (ie: CDs to DVDs). This is my opinion of course, but that’s where it’s going.

Where will film go? Where everything else is going: TV, Cable, Satellite, and Internet. There: 4 distinct distribution channels looking for original content while you can’t throw a rock without hitting an indie filmmaker with the next big idea. I’m not saying the ideas aren’t great or the films aren’t fantastic. They are. They just get lost in the shosh and noise of trying to grab a distribution deal with a big theater chain who won’t even talk to you unless you are a “big studio.” It’s not fair. It stinks. I know. On the other hand, numerous actors, producers, directors, and enterprising filmmakers are beginning to realize there is a market for their stuff. Now if they can just keep their expenses to a minimum and maximize profits, they have a legitimate, viable, sustainable business model. We may have to just abandon our fun dreams of Hollywood Riches, but keep rubbing elbows with the stars. The technology is just too approachable, the ease with which a film can be made is undeniable, the tools have come full circle. The trick, now, is to make the best stories, the most interesting, compelling, and engaging works. No matter what you say, it still takes lots of time and hard work and effort, but it can be done. Welcome to the age of the indie!

Frankly, if the job doesn’t pan out, expect to see me on TV anyway!