Check it out me droogs! Blazing Edisons new video, Pretend That We’re Famous, shot in their secret underground lair bunker in Tucson, Arizona. Watch, enjoy, share!

The following is an experiment. I can write great small pieces of stories when I have no formal structure. I can write great, flowing hyperboles of vast silliness when I want to. So, without further ado, here goes:

A gin drunk is an angry drunk. It’s a frustrated, self-loathing, angry drunk. It’s the kind of drunk where you yell through vomit about why you hate yourself so much for drinking this shit. It’s a vile drink to consume in any significant quantity anyway, but it’s inevitably combined with tonic or just more gin with a hint of vermouth. None of which will comfort you as you yell violence and hatred through gaseous gurgles of vomit splashing on your shoes and coloring your hair.

Walter didn’t drink anymore, but he wished he did and gin was his drink of choice. This was the day Walter was having.

“Fuckin’ hippies,” he thought to himself. He swished water through a bar glass and dunked it angrily in the rinse water, barely missing the side of the small bar sink. A chipped glass could have pissed him off even worse, but that was not the nature of today.

“Hey Walt,” the Cowboy intoned drolly. Walter froze on the spot. Did the bell even ring? He kept his eyes in his dirty glasses, darting an eye out sparingly. Now, suddenly, more careful, cautious. Don’t break one now. Anytime in the world but now. Walter set his glass down in the rinse sink, removed his hands from the sink and patiently reached for a bar towel. Cowboy tapped lightly on the marred wooden bar right next to a carving of “JR Loves MB.”

“What’s new, Cowboy?” Walter’s tone was patient, calm, and too polite. His hands were shaking and so was his voice.

“I seen you with Sarah again.” Cowboy’s eyes pierced Walter from under a dusty  baseball cap. The team was a minor league one and it was orange and in Spanish. Walter didn’t recognize it. Walter thought about Cowboy’s brain under his hat for a moment.

Walter gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. He closed his eyes slowly and swallowed hard. “Yep. We been together on and off for a couple months now,” Walter’s voice warbled.

“We had a deal, you an’ me. Didn’t we?” the Cowboy asked as less of a question and more of a challenge.

Walter didn’t answer. He picked up his dishes where he’d left off. The washing was purposeful, but methodical. Walter pursed his lips. The Cowboy stared hard at Walter through steel eyes.

“Ayup. Be seein’ yah, Walt.” Cowboy tipped his hat, grabbed a handful of peanuts off the bar and walked slowly away, boots clumping heavily, taking a moment to look back at Walter who had stopped washing glasses and stood instead with his head down, shoulders at his waist, as he stared at anything but the Cowboy.

The bell jingled as the door closed. Walter smashed a glass on the far wall, yelling fire, and anger. This was not his day. And now Cowboy is back? Where’s Sarah? Walter returned to angrily washing his dishes as a lone tear fell off his cheek. Nobody loves a coward.

Film Projector Sprocket

As many of you know, I am a filmmaker. Of sorts. Granted, I haven’t produced any formal films with plots or anything in some time. In fact, besides working on other people’s stuff, I haven’t made something of my own since Cordial Dead. Now, I’ve had some significant financial problems recently that have led to that, but, rest-assured, I’m quite aware of the fact that my narrative history is a little sparse of late. The world is a hair unforgiving when you quit producing, ain’t it?

Moving ahead. Yep. That’s it. I’m moving ahead. Moving on. Bigger and better things. I’m doing it my way. It’s not necessarily the easy way, but it ain’t the hard way, either. Got the news a couple days ago that I didn’t qualify for the Channel 12 position. I thought I might be upset. Oddly, I was relieved. it means I don’t have to work for anyone else. I can work for me. I have things I can do now that are already bringing in money. In some ways, I feel like this work is a distraction. And, in many ways, it is. It’s distracting me from writing my great script, but its also specifically leading me to a place where I retain the power and control. It allows me to achieve my full potential. No, I’m not doing that now.

A long time ago, I said I really wanted to start my own video production company. Well, I technically did that in 2008 when I registered Electric Tiger, LLC. So? Now what? Now it’s on to the next part: make it a real business by making money. I guess I just assumed one and the other went hand in hand. They don’t. It’s work. Lots and lots of hard, grueling, annoying, tedious work. Fuck! It’s god damned hard! Getting a paycheck for doing something you worked really hard on is so rewarding, no job I’ve ever held in my 39 years has ever been that rewarding. I get to point at it and say, “I DID THAT!” Nobody helped, no other departments provided support or aid or assistance. No marketing department landed the job or put out a clever campaign. I did it. Me. Yeah, I have a healthy ego, but fuck ‘em if they can’t handle it!

Yes. I jest. There’s the part of me that is beaming with pride at making a dollar from nothing. There’s another part of me that’s scared shitless and wants to know where the next dollar is gonna come from. I have to listen to both. As time goes on, I’m learning when to listen to the which one and when to ignore one or the other or both. I can’t explain it. There’s no secret key. No magic wand. No detailed plan. You gotta go with your gut. Pure and simple faith in yourself. No compromises.

The Real Cost of Filmmmaking…

We’ve all heard the stories of how some filmmaker spent $4 and made a million-dollar movie. I love those stories. I’ve told them. I know a lot of ‘em. I also know that movies take a lot to make. They take time, planning, loads of resources, a great script, careful planning, and did I mention planning?

I want to make movies. I really do. I need to learn business first. I need a financial basis. Every film is a miniature business venture which could make millions or could go bust. Most of them go bust. Thanks to the set of Dov Simens DVDs I bought over the summer on eBay, I was able to learn loads about the business side of things. The DVDs were about $350. I didn’t have that, but I found a way to get it. I’m glad I did. Now, I’m practically chomping at the bit to make a movie, but I got nothing for funds. I mean zero. Kerrie has been supporting my sorry ass for a couple years now and if I can’t make it work this year, I’m going to be ashamed for wasting so much of her time and energy while I sort out my mid-life crisis. Fuck that. I will not be a failure.

Now, I can make a movie for under $5,000. It won’t be a grand sweeping vista of cinema, but it will have an appeal, no name-brand actors, and I can likely sell it on television. Yep. Screw festivals, theaters, or Hollywood. I’m thinking straight to TV. Why? There are about six major Hollywood studios making the films you go to see in the theaters. They make about twenty-some-odd films a year. Something like 90% of everything you watch, too. There are literally thousands of theaters perfectly set up to show just those films by just those studios. Sorry, but that’s how they’re set up. You are watching proscribed entertainment, spoon fed to your delicate movie-watching palate. Now, most people don’t go to movies.

D’oh! Whoops! Yep, most people stay home and watch TV. More importantly, they stay home and watch cable and satellite and internet. You seeing what I’m seeing? I’m seeing a market. Fuck the theaters: dealing with crying babies, stinky armpits, not being able to pause the movie to go to the bathroom, grandma whispering “what’d he say?” loud enough for the whole place. Jesus, the average home TV has to be freaking 60 inches and you can get a custom sound system and watch anything you want on cable, satellite or internet. Don’t forget Netflix and RedBox, and Blockbuster and all the rental-type places. With that many choices for personalized entertainment on your personal schedule, why would you need to go to a theater? There are hundreds of satellite and cable networks and they are all looking for content. Have you seen the garbage they pay for? It’s practically the schlock network. I can do that! If Shakespeare were alive, he’d be writing for TV anyway! I’m no Harlan Ellison, but I’m pretty sure I can string some competent phrases together.

Whew! That was a refreshing rant. So, yeah, I’m going to pursue selling a movie on TV. The mystery is which one shall I choose?

Random Kitchen

I’ve often heard that things happen for a reason. I’m not sure I agree with it, but I’m not sure I disagree with it. Today was a real eye-opener for me in several ways. Most notably, that my current housing situation needs to change quickly and I need success in a big way. Or, at least, money.

For the housing situation, we are focusing on many different angles – houses, foreclosures, rentals, etc. All of which are perfectly viable options. Considering our financial situation is a bit touchy, things are tenuous. We have a lot of unknowns. I feel like when I got my first apartment. It’s goofy, awkward and strange. I’m pushing 40 right now! I shouldn’t have to do this shit!

As for the business, things are getting better. Slowly, they are getting better. I’m actually generating some income now. I can’t tell  you how pleasing that is. I’m practically tap-dancing. I have a short business trip in April I need to pay for, too! Egads, the whole thing will be financed through the business, so that’s a plus, right? Anyhow, today was supposed to be short anyhow.

As for mom. Mom plays an important role in all this. She was the catalyst for helping my wife and I to determine what needs doing. We knew before, but it took her to come along and reveal the adventure. Now things are clear. Solid. In focus. Now, we make moves, decisions, and take actions. Now is the time to get running and moving and doing.

Until later, this is the great and cryptic Jonathan. Oh, and here are some pictures and videos of what we saw:

[Show as slideshow]

I’ve read books that detail how important goals are. I’ve also read other books that tell you to forgo goal and just do what you love. These represent two really different schools of thought and I think they reveal more about the authors than they provide advice. I’ve also read not to read self-help books: those who need them won’t read them and those who read them won’t heed them (paraphrased from Anton LaVey, I believe).

When I was younger, I had no goals and drifted from thing to thing. Maybe not the best policy, but I’ve always been envious of those who knew at a young age exactly what they wanted to do in life. Hell, they already had their lives planned out by the time they were 18. I didn’t want a circumscribed life, though. I didn’t want my life to have limits. Oddly, I presented myself with limits when I sought to remove limitations – especially when I wasn’t prepared for the consequences of that “freedom.” Today, I understand most of what I should have understood when I was much younger and more naive. Curiously, many whose lives seemed perfectly scripted don’t seem as rich and full as I would have imagined. “They” seem stale and tired and static and dull. I understand that is also completely from my perspective, but I’m not sure “they” do.

This little missive was brought on by my realization that it was no longer January and we had casually slipped into February. “The Holidays” ended only five weeks ago and yet they seem to have been a year ago. Time plays funny tricks on you. Perhaps I’m lamenting the fact that I turned 39? Yowza! I’m feeling the quickening! The feeling that there isn’t any time left to dilly-dally. I don’t mind so much, really. Like the Pink Floyd song, I have missed the starting gun. Then again, I’m planning to live until I’m 250 years old anyway so I have some time to kill, but I’ve decided to make all the money first so I can enjoy it for a century or two. Truthfully, I feel cheated that we have to die when I read they have found an enzyme to halt aging in mice. I want that enzyme, dammit!

This post is called “Milestones” or some variation I reconsidered later. So here are some fun milestones I’ve hit this year:

1. Lost over 10 pounds – no joke, I was at 235 on December 31 and today I’m 221. I say “10″ because the scales could have been off.
2. I’m regularly running and biking (biking technically started yesterday so it doesn’t actually qualify, but these are my milestones and not yours so butt out)
3. Have a new website built for Electric Tiger (www.electrictiger.com).
4. Posted my very first press release. I knew all that time with Examiner would eventually pay off with the journalistic writing style.
5. Have all old invoices billed and ready. I’m on a path to get a studio! That’s this year’s business goal #1. #2 is to actually pay myself a modest salary. See? Easy, simple goals. Now work your ASS OFF!
6. More work is coming in pretty regularly now. Websites, video, photo, and design work. It’s very exciting.
7. After this week, I begin working on a short script – actually a couple scripts – to enter a film into the new Ridley Scott Your Film Festival contest. No joke. This is for real. I have all the equipment I need to make a movie and a 15 minute short. I will begin working immediately. Even if it doesn’t work, I will have something to be proud of.

See: Milestones.Things I’ve done, accomplished, worked on, finished, etc. I’m getting better at this game. I’m becoming less of a “thinker” and much more of a “doer.”

Oh yeah, still no word back from the City of Tucson in regards to a job. I’m not holding my breath. I’m moving on as if there were no job. I still want it. Don’t let me kid you. I really want to work with that team, but I think I may want my freedom more. I’m at another crossroads in my life. I need money, desperately and a regular job will most definitely provide that. I can’t deny the kinds of resources available to me at Channel 12 would be very tempting. On the other hand, I’m just starting to succeed in my business. It feels like early 2009 before the “switch” got flipped and everyone was suddenly out of cash. Great things are afoot for me here in Tucson. I just know it.

Until luego, ¡Hasta la vista!